27 May 2021

My second day of sophisticated trading with Center Point Securities.

Was able to spot some ideal trading in the premarket. But couldn't play them because at that time was still customizing and getting acquinted with DAS trader. Support team of CP Securities was not answering. So when those trades played out well eventually during regular trading session I felt miserable. Know how to set DAS trader at that time would have made me 2k that day. Which would be incredible for me starting out as a trader. 

At that there was huge runner and I already lost yesterday's gains. And was miserable. I was again very angry at market and frustrated at myself that I am doing stupid mistakes. How on earth you can calm down and promise to be mindful since then but still do the same mistakes the next day. It added to my frustration. 

What I started doing is revenge trading using market order with margin twice as my account. I felt so bad that I must make it back and that market owes me that money. 

The second day I finished with small gain. My account was 30440 USD which I started with 30225 USD. I felt to myself that I could have made 2-3k at least if I just don't gamle or use market orders with margin. I thought that that day was unique because there was that big runner AMC which everyone was after. I thought that day was exception and I can use leveraged twice with margin market orders. I thought I am justified to do so because we have this big runner which happens rarely. 

Eventually I was about to wipe my account on the second day of my trading career! But managed to stay 30440 USD just 200 USD above my account. I was so frustrated that day, tired and exhausted. 

I think I was getting prepared for real trading too much time and it all was boiling with me. After all I put everything on stake. I felt I must make money urgently. 

It is very unpleasant feeling to lose a trade because you tried to guess front side of the trade. If you sit on hands and just be patient a bit and wait for confirmation of trend it is so easy to trade the momentum and leg. You get angry at yourself again for getting into a trade too early. Frustration over frustration. Once you are frustrated it is difficult to get away from computer because leaving your trading place with losses hurts. So you don't want to walk earth with this stupid feeling that you lost that day. It hurts and you are not mindful get back to your computer.

Have to calm down first even if you are down on that day. You need to calm down your mind. Because under frustration you get into more losses. Your feeling brain just doesn't understand it. After your feeling brain does the shit all over, it is your logic brain which has to clear the shit up after frenzy next day.