26 May 2021

My first day of real trading with Center Point Securities. So priviliged to trade with them. Have been preparing myself for this event probably for a half year. Started out with 30225 USD.

Did some decent shorting which I have been preparing myself to do. Made quick 800 USD. But was so complacent that gave it all back after hours. 

I have noticed myself trying to gamble on the gains I've made. I do think subsconciously that my gains in trading have been secured unfairly and that I can gamble not my account but my gain. 

When I started gambling my 800 USD gain I thought to myself: what happens if I lose this gain? Nothing but I risk small and reward should be more greater. With this thoughts I start random trades without setup. 

When my gamble didn't work out and I lost all my 800 USD gain I was so angry and frustrated at myself. I started revenge trading the same ticker with large size even risking my account. I felt that I had to make my gains back though it felt previously like it is ok to lose quick gain from conscientious good trades. Indeed it feels very bad to lose even your small conscientious gains for some stupid gamble. 

I eventually made it back my gains after hours and this didn't give me satisfaction. I ended up my first trading day miserable because let emotions overwhelm me. So don't go into a gamble just because you can afford it with your consientious gains from mindful trading.