Four months have gone by since I signed up for Tim Sykes' Millionaire Challenge.  What an adventure I've had so far!  I've had a few good experiences and a few bad, but I have stuck through it.  The last couple of weeks have been amazing, because I am starting to feel things clicking into place.  I am nowhere close to really getting it yet, but I have enough knowledge to be able to pinpoint my weaknesses.  The next four months I will be focusing on correcting them.

     First of all, I still haven't been called back to work.  This has been very difficult for me to accept.  The casino next to the one I work at called back all 9 of their slot techs.  One left for another job, so they had an opening.  I submitted my resume with 17 years experience.  I called my current boss, and asked him for a recommendation.  I know that he talks to the lead tech at the other property all of the time.  I also called up two of the techs I know that work there to ask them to put in a good word for me.  In Las Vegas, getting work has a lot to do with who you know and networking.  Two weeks later I checked my status and it said the position was already filled!  I couldn't even get an interview.  I found out they chose a guy from Aria.  To make matters worse, I found out from a coworker that 2 techs at our property are going to be on vacation this week, and they are using overtime to cover.  He says they need one more guy to cover vacations, but the company won't budge in calling one more tech back. 

     The company stops paying for my health insurance at the end of this month, so I have been getting all of my medications and supplies filled for three months.  Also I have been getting any medical procedures done that I need.  I have had Type 1 diabetes for 30 years, so I need the health insurance.  I am not sure what's going to happen in September.  For now I have a stock pile of insulin and insulin pumps, so I can keep myself alive without having to buy anything for awhile.  I am planning on going on my husband's plan, but the premium will eat into his check, so I will have to be careful what I spend regarding my healthcare.  I will have to make some hard decisions.  I am hoping I can make enough from trading to cover the expense of my continuous glucose monitor.  That is one device i will sorely miss!

     The reason I bring up my job and the health insurance is that I see it as a weakness in my trading.  I am so attached to that job, so it is hard to let it go.  I know I need to be "all in" if I am going to make trading work as my new career.  I am still holding onto that hope of getting called back.  The anger I feel is hard to suppress.  The fear of losing my healthcare is crippling.  My finances and my current health status are in a pretty good spot considering my situation, especially compared to most people.  I just can't bring myself to let go.  Maybe I will be able to fight that demon off after August when I have to face it head on.  Maybe that sliver of hope that I am holding on to will dissipate then.

    I am still struggling with my emotions while trading.  I can see the patterns now, but rather than jump in, I just watch.  It's kind of upsetting when I see the pattern, like a morning panic dip buy, and I miss the entry because I have lack of confidence in myself to go through with the trade.  I have been working on this with small trades, but the minute I enter the trade, I am looking for my exit and I usually get out too soon.  One good thing about that is that my risk management is really good.  Too good, haha.  If my P&L percentage goes above 2% loss, I sell.  I don't have this problem with options trading, though.  Those trades move a lot slower, so I have time to think.  I think that's my problem with trading stocks.  I feel like they are so fast moving and scary, and I have so little time to make a decision.  Deer in Headlights Syndrome.  I just need more experience probably.

     Despite the weaknesses I have discovered in myself in this process, I feel like I am doing a pretty good job for a beginner.  My first two months of trading I was in the red.  In July I made about $1800, which made up for my losses in the first two months with about $800 left over.  So far in August I am up $1566.  I am trying to stay humble.  Above all else, I want to protect my wins, so I am very picky about my trades.  I pass a lot of them up.  When I don't feel right, I don't trade.  I think this is the key to any success that I will achieve in the future.