That same afternoon, I shattered all my rules and forgot all my patterns. All the training and experience that caused me to safely and successfully navigate the stock market for the first 7 months of this year went straight out the window.

I bought a weak stock crashing off its highs, trying to guess the bottom with size, looking to force a trade for a big win to get immediate relief from the pain of taking multiple mid-sized losses earlier in the day.

The stock kept on dipping and I added into the loser. It ended up bouncing for me where I could have gotten out for a $700 win, but I was holding too many shares and my mind was poisoned with the thought of scoring a major win thinking that the bottom was in.

But the stock sank to new lows with me holding full size, and I end up taking my red position overnight.

The stock ended up taking two or three more red days before it gave a pitiful dead cat bounce. I sold nothing into the pop, and I ended up holding it for 5 weeks, adding small pieces here and there to average down.

Immediately disturbed at what I had done, I wired out almost all my remaining capital out of distrust for the market conditions and even greater distrust over my mental state (that was the one lucid thing I did that week). I continue bagholding and adding while at the same time trading with an account of less than $1,500 in order to both punish and protect myself.

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Toward the end of August and the first week of September, I see the market shifting in my favour again. I sell my bags at for my biggest loss to date, and I resolve to enter the fall market with my account partially restored and with a fresh set of rules to follow.

After a day of fantastic day trades and a nice realized intraday P/L, I find myself in a trade where I already locked in nice profits at HOD but holding half size for a potential further move. If I manage this rest of this trade well and maximize on the remaining shares, this will be a fantastic bounce back day after realized a big loss on my baghold!

The stock dips and I add back my shares down at the first support level. The stock bounces and makes a double top and I sell those half-size adds at the highs for more realized profit, $1350 realized on the ticker so far. But then the stock dips again and I add back at the same support, and it drops and I add again at just below VWAP and I find myself down -1000 bucks unrealized. I could sell now and still be up $350 on the ticker. But I am pissed off at myself for missing opportunities to profitably exit this ticker that is acting fully bearing now.

But then my stubbornness rewards me and the stock bounces strong off VWAP and I find myself sitting at an unrealized profit of $1240, not to mention the $1350 in realized profits where I sold twice near high of day.

Once again, I sell nothing into this spike, thinking that I survived the worst of the dip and that the stock is on a march back up to high of day where I could sell all my shares for a very nice profit.

But then the stock quickly snapped back well below vwap and took out support with me holding strong and adding. My wits are dulled by this awful turn in events, and due to equal parts stubbornness and shock and paralysis I end up swinging a bloated position in a bearish stock with a horrible average over the long weekend. After talking myself into humbly admitting defeat over the weekend, I sell into a gap down and panic for another fat loss.

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What the hell is happening with my trading? Why am I making such colossal mistakes again and again?

After some self-psychoanalysis, I have determined that I tend to make mistakes after long periods of solid and disciplined trading. This has happened to me multiple times this year, but none so bad as this most recent scenario.

Overconfidence, ambition, and obsession over my results caused me to make horrible trading decisions attempting to avoid a mid-sized loss and seeing a big crack in my P/L curve. I wanted to avoid any kind of attack on the self-image that I wrought for myself as a successful trader whose P/L curve kept going up without much interruption.

I developed a negative emotional/chemical reaction to realizing losses and ruining my profit chart or ruining the P/L on a particular day, or realizing a profit on a trade that is a lot lower than I could have realized if only I had made the perfect sells.

I allowed these unaddressed immature emotions to fester and grow until they culminated in the trades of August 2nd, September 3rd, and September 7th.

But now that my profit chart has a nice big dent in it, I no longer have an unblemished chart to try to defend. And now that I am coming out publicly about my recent losses, I no longer have a flawless reputation or self-perception to try to perpetuate. I can trade the rest of the year in peace without bags to weigh me down. I cut the toxic and unhealthy hope that grows in your mind the longer you hold onto those losing positions, the false hope that infects every trade you take, making it harder and more painful to cut for even the most routine of losses.

Starting this morning, immediately after I cut the last of my bags, I proceeded to have a very decent day trading day.

I implemented a small trick of the mind that I devised over the weekend: to mentally congratulate yourself every time you cut a trade for a small loss, to take pride every time you respect a tight stop, to confidently take profits without FOMO when the market offers you profits, and to pause for a moment every now and again and marvel at how much better you are handling the wild beast that is your own mind.

Going forward, I will resist the urge to fight against losing trades that get away from me a little bit, all for the sake of preserving a win streak or some arbitrary profit level on the day or on a trade.

The next challenge of trading is no longer chart patterns, breakouts and dip buys anymore. The next barrier to overcome is 100% psychological.

(PS, It's official. According to Tradervue, I make absolutely zero money holding stocks overnight! Very clear statistics if you ask me. No more full sized swings. Sell into strength intraday, and hold small overnight if you have to. And no bagholding swings! The Stats have spoken.)